


Rookie Blue

by rennerfan_1



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:03:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5161352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rennerfan_1/pseuds/rennerfan_1





	Rookie Blue

The last few weeks have been difficult for everyone as they mourned the loss of a great detective and a great friend. Jerry Barber had died in the line of duty and had recieved full police honours and a medal for his heroism and bravery by giving his life, but it did nothing to make his friends and loved ones feel better. Trac Nash had temporarily moved into Andy's with her son Leo, unable to face going back to her own apartment by herself and after a restless night, Traci finds Leo sitting at the kitchen table, eagerly waiting on Andy's special pancakes. After hours of Traci trying to encourage Leo to eat, Andy had come to the rescue and Traci was thankful for everything McNally has done for them. But today is a new challenge for both mother and son, Leo returning to school and Traci returning to work.

Traci kisses Leo good morning and stares in awe at the breakfast that Andy has made. "Andy, you really didn't need to go to all this trouble." 

"I wanted to and we all have a big day ahead, right Leo?" Andy asks for confirmation and is pleased to see the boy tucking into breakfast. 

"Andy made me keep you some, momma." Leo says cheekily. 

"I would like to think so, too." She ruffles his hair and sits down as Andy pours some coffee. 

"Momma, do you have to go to work?" Leo asks with a sadness in his voice. 

"Yeah, I do have to go back to work. I have to get lots of pennies so we can go do fun things." Traci explains. "Why don't you want me to go back to work?" 

"Im scared the bad guy will get you like he got Jerry, then i'll have no one!" Leo tells her. 

"The bad guy who hurt Jerry is in jail and he can't hurt anyone else." She tells him gently. "Baby, you don't have anything to worry about." 

"But i'm still scared!" The boy tells her. "I don't want you to get hurt and be in heaven like Jerry. I want you to stay here forever!" 

Traci isnt sure what else she can say or do to reassure her son and remembers how terrible it had been to break the news gently to Leo. She had told Leo that a bad guy who was hurting lots of people had hurt Jerry when he was saving Gail, but God had decided that he needed a new angel, a brave and loving angel to work for him, but she also told him that Jerry would look after them both and be their guardian angel. Leo, despite his upset and age understood more than Traci had ever anticipated and his fears were that of an innocent child. 

"Ive got an idea, Leo." Andy says as she kneels down on the other side of the upset boy. "How about that when mom is at work, all her friends will look after her?" 

Leo pauses to think about it. "Really?" 

"Yeah, and there's a whole bunch of us whose going to protect you and your mom." She says with a smile. 

"Just like Jerry does." Leo answers quietly. "I miss him, momma. I really miss him."

Her heart breaks some more as Leo explains how he is feeling about Jerry's death and she holds him close, tightening her grip as she kisses his head. 

"I miss him too, Leo. But do you want to know what makes me so so happy?" She asks, but doesn't wait for an answer. "You do. You're my baby boy, my knight in shinning armour." 

"I love you, momma." He says sweetly, still upset. 

"I love you too, Leo." She tells him sincerely. "I love you so much"

 

After dropping Leo off at school and talking to the teacher, a very nervous Traci returned to division fifteen for the first time since Jerry's death. Walking through the building had earned her curious glances and whispers by officers she only knew in the passing, but her friends and colleagues, the ones who she had met in the academy treated her just the same. They embraced her, offering their support and she did notice they were treating her a little more delicately, but she actually didn't mind so much because it wasn't out of pity, but concern. It wasn't until Staff Sargent Best asked to see her in his office after parade, did she start to worry. 

Frank Best had been given the gift of becoming a father when Jerry died and it was Traci who had been there with Noelle when she was in labour. Naturally he felt guilty and owed Traci more than she would ever know. 

"How do you feel coming bac?" Best asks, offering her a seat. 

"Nervous, but good. I think it's going to help getting back on the horse." She tells him, letting go of a held breath. "But i'm okay to be here if thats what you're asking?" 

"I have to ask. You're one of the strongest women in this division, but you've been through a tough time and I have to make sure you're ready to face this." He explains. "There's no shame in admitting that you're finding things difficult because we can arrange some time off or-"

"If i wasnt ready to be here, i wouldnt be." She answers flatly.

"Noelle said you would say that, but I need to make sure you're ready for this." Best tells her. "I need to make sure as a friend ans your superior that you're going to be okay."

"I'm not a piece of glass that's going to break at the first sign of trouble, Frank."  
Traci says crisply. "I'm here because i'm ready."

The staff sergeant reluctantly agrees to her returning to work, but also makes her promise that she will go to him if and shen the time comes, which could be soon or later. 

 

It has been an extremely busy day and after a gruelling eleven hour shift, the group of ex-rookies meet at the Penny to quench their thirsts. Chris and Dov are at the bar chatting up two girls, Gail, Traci and Andy are at one of the tables near them and can't help but laugh about their two friend's cheesy chat up lines. Of course Gail is very vocal in her opinions of where they're going wrong, Andy laughing next to her, so Traci makes an escape to the bathroom while she has the chance. Traci hadn't wanted to go to the Penny, but she was practically dragged there under the pretense it would do her good and it would be fun, but it wasn't a night in the Penny that she needed. She goes into the toilet cubicle and stares at the closed door. She wants to go home to bed, but she doesn't want to insult her friends after the effort they have been making all day. Everyone has been so supportive and she feels guilty for wanting to abandon them to get some space. Traci opens the cubicle door and startles in fright to see Andy standing there, her back against the wall. 

"I wondered where you were." Andy says quietly. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, i'm fine. I guess i'm just overwhelmed. It's been a long day, you know first day back and everything." She laugh, trying to sound positive. "I think i'm going to call it a night and take a long hot bath." 

"That sounds great." Andy replies as she turns to the door, but turns back briefly. "I did tell the guys you probably weren't in the mood to hang out-"

"They were just trying to help and I do appreciate it, really appreciate it but it's just been too much." She confesses quietly. "I bet I sound like a real ungrateful bitch."

"Hey, Chris and Dov will understand." McNally answers. "Go on, i'll tell them you've had enough for one night." 

Traci hugs Andy and smiles. "Thanks, you're a real friend and i'm lucky to have all of you." 

 

Staying with Andy had been a blessing and had given Traci some breathing space before returning to her own apartment that held too many memories. Her mind is occupied by the day's events, the attempted robbery on a take-out place, then she was busy with a drug dealer who was a much bigger fish than everyone thought. She is so distracted that she hadn't even noticed the figure in the hallway behind her. A hand reaches out to her and she recoils in terror. 

"Hey, it's just me." A familiar voice says. 

"Sam! You scared the hell out of me. What are you trying to do give me a heart attack?" She shrieks, feeling her heart racing. "I think I need a strong drink and Andy's at the Penny." 

"I'm not here to see Andy." Sam says quietly.

Knowing something isn't quite right, Traci invites Sam into the apartment and sits down next to him on the sofa with a beer in hand. 

"I just came by to see how you're holding up" He says. 

"I'm fine, and I really wish everyone would stop treating me like i'm a piece of glass that's going to break." She complains, sipping at her beer. "Sorry, i'm just tired and it's been a long day."

"We're just worried, Nash." He replies. "You've been through alot and it takes time to adjust. How's Leo dealing with this?" 

She sighs, wondering where this whole topic of conversation is going and answers regardless of the underlying motive, but she suddenly realizes that he is the one who wants to talk about Jerry and his death. Sam picks at the label on the bottle as a wet ring from the bottle soaks into his jeans.

"It's been really difficult with Leo." She admits finally, mostly to herself than Sam. "He misses Jerry so much and I had to tell him that he went after a bad guy who was really hurting peoole, so he stopped the bad guy, but got hurt too. Now Jerry is our guardian angel." 

It's painful to talk about, tears stinging Traci's eyes and then she looks up and sees tears in Sam's eyes too. 

"What's going on, Sam?" Nash queries.

It's hard for him to talk about it and talking about how he feels has always been an issue for Swarek. With some more gentle probing, he tells Traci what's on his mind. 

"I was too late to save him." Swarek says almost in a whisper. "I should have been there, should have had his back and I wasn't there." 

"You were doing other things, chasing leads and trying to locate this guy." She says in an attempt to put his mind to rest.

"And we shouldn't have been chasing those damn ghosts in the first place. We would have been right there if it hadn't been for that screwup." He seethes, his leg bouncing up and down. 

"Is that what this is about, Sam?" Traci challenges him. "You're blaming Andy for what happened? This is crazy, so damn crazy." 

His jaw is tight, not saying anything as he just stares off into the distance. He is conflicted, very conflicted and he feels guilty, very guilty. 

"Sam, you do realize what you're saying?" She asks him. 

"Yes, I know what I'm saying." He answers finally. 

She watches him carefully. "And do you really believe that?"

"I don't know, Nash. I really don't know what to believe anymore. I just wish.....I didn't think like that." Sam tells her, rubbing his forehead in frustration. "But I do think like that and I hate it. Did you ever......think that.....it's someone's fault?"

She sighs softly. "I used to blame....myself. I used to blame myself, because I used to get mad at Jerry for giving me a hard time. I always wanted him to treat me equally, and when he did, I felt hurt because it felt like he forgot that I was his girlfriend." Traci says quietly, sighing. "But he loved me and I will always love him. But I don't blame myself anymore, Sam. I blame Ross Perik. I blame Ross Perik for what happened to Jerry and I blame him for how things are now. He's the only one whose responsible for the way things are, not Andy."

"I don't know what to believe me anymore, Nash. Everything is just so screwed up." He says and get's up. "Don't worry, i'll work it out. And, uh.....I don't want Andy to know about this."

"I figured that." She says and follows him to the door. 

Traci isn't sure what's going to happen with Sam and Andy or anything else that's going on, even in her own life. Everything has been so chaotic the last few weeks and the last thing she needs or wants is more drama. The last thing she needs or wants is any trouble whatsoever for her and Leo or her friends.


End file.
